Monday, May 11, 2015

Just read, no title.

Life has been extra hard lately. I'm trying to manage so many things i'm not sure i know how to manage. I've been managing the fact that my best friend has been using and manipulating me for years, or the fact that I just broke up with boyfriend because he couldnt even make time for me anymore. Or how about the fact I've been calling my mom since Friday and she won't even give her own child the time of day. Oh of course how could I forget, my Grandfather is also dying and doesn't have much time left and my faith. I've been losing my faith, pushing it away to become numb again. Maybe you're sitting behind the screen thinking, Wow i've been through worse. stop complaining.
Well shut the fuck up and get off my page you're so ignorant. And for the people who call my page "grunge" MY PAGE IS NOT GRUNGE THIS IS MY LIFE STORY!!!!!!!! yeah maybe my life is so pathetic and miserable that it is grunge but the saying "if its not nice don't say it" was not made for shits and giggles. I'm so angry and I don't understand why. I feel like I can hardly breathe all the time. I just need someone, I can't continue to push my tears back then get up go to school; smiling, laughing and talking. Some people might call that fake but I call it surviving the moment. If I let myself feel my feelings all the time, my feelings would consume me and my life. I would be a mess all the time, so I apologize for being "fake". I don't know what else to say other than help me, I am drowning and I don't know how to breathe.

1 comment:

  1. Hey honey,
    I don't think anyone's battles should be compared to anyone else's. Your battle is as important as the next person's, as important as mine.

    I'm not going to judge you. I'll try to help you in whatever way I can.
    About your best friend, darling, it's about time you stop calling her that. She WAS your best friend not anymore. You were brave enough to come to terms with the fact that she was being manipulative. The next step is to shut her out and explore future possibilities. I know it's hard but I can tell you it is not impossible. You'll find another friend, someone who'll be nice to you, okay?

    You deserve much, much better than your ex. You deserve someone who gives you time, someone who talks to you and does not make you feel alone. You'll find that someone soon enough. It's not the end yet. There's still too many frogs to kiss before you find your prince.

    I really can't say much about your mother. Maybe you can try talking to her and telling her how you feel.

    Think about your grandfather's situation this way. He's going to be in a better place. He's going to be happier and going to look after you like an angel.

    You are not pathetic or fake. You deserve to be happy.

    There are so many things to smile about. Go out, read a book. Sit by a river and inhale the scent of rains. Do you like chocolates? Eat one. Thank god for every day.

    You'll find it easier to breathe once you let go of things that suffocate you.


    PS- I was just trying to help. If anything from my comment offends you, know that I didn't mean to and I'm sorry if it does. I'll delete it if you ask me to.

    Take care.