Sunday, April 12, 2015

My future awaits me.

We all have these images of what the future holds for ourself and for the people we see around us. Some might argue that you make your own fate, your own future. Is this really true though? All my life I've had teachers, parents, and adults up my ass about what I make of myself and my future. My parents want to see me go into medical which is something I have no desire for. I'm a sixteen year old loser who's slightly overweight, with few friends, and no job. Not to mention the fact that I don't even have my temps yet. I mean, what does my future hold for me because it seems like a shitty one so far. Yes, I understand I could get a job, I could get my temps, I could get more friends and I could probably lose the weight I dread to look at so often. All these things I just mentioned, I have been attempting to pursue; with only the result of failure each time. I am so sick of failing myself and disappointing those around me. I'm tired of many things we are brought to carry on our shoulders.
Besides all the pressures to become someone I'm not, this is who I really am: I'm a sixteen year old virgin who is constantly fighting with myself to decide whether I should give in to the pressures society brings upon me, or just say fuck it and be the person I want to be. You would think it would be easy to just be yourself, but it's the most difficult thing I have ever known. Ever since I can remember, I can think of a hundred different times my mother and father told me to do or to act so that I don't upset or disturb strangers, friends or other family members. "Behave yourself, straighten up, smile, chew twenty times before swallowing, use your manners" my grandma would tell me. My grandmother was so set on making me the perfect granddaughter to show off, she would starve me until I could no longer feel my stomach. We learn these things the moment we pop out of our mothers wombs and we sit around here wondering why teenagers are cutting into their skin and abusing drugs. Now before you get your panties in a bunch and try to twist my words around, I'm not saying this is the only reason us teenagers are so fucked up because it's not. There are probably hundreds, even thousands of different reasons. I'm just saying, maybe the reason why your kid cries in the mirror at their own reflection could have to do with the fact you and everyone else 'made' them that way.
If you're reading this and rolling your eyes at this because you're thinking, "Wow, look another stupid teenager who's lost in this world and has no idea what they're talking about",  Well buckle up because, welcome to my reality.

~Ari xo


  1. It's deep, and a little bit of depressed but I think it's good that you write about it. Then you can be yourself and write down what you are thinking in your Brian. I Know that sounds weird because of I'm a stranger although if you want to talk with sb: I'm here

    1. that is why I have this blog. my blog is not something that will be cheerful and make everyone hold hands and skip In a field of flowers. my blog is me telling you how I view the world

    2. Thank you so much for commenting and actually reading my blog. it means a lot to me. If I ever need someone to talk to, I'll hit you up(: